


how to act

by Shinkirou



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Developing Relationship, M/M, Misunderstandings, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 14:58:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4924021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinkirou/pseuds/Shinkirou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it's hard to know anything for sure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	how to act

**Author's Note:**

> \+ people being generally Bad At Relationships in general tbh.

Fushimi can't help but curse whatever brought them to this point.

Growing up with famous parents meant he'd always been dragged around to various social events, stood up like some prop and only shown even the slightest bit of attention when anyone else was watching. His parents were neglectful of him, and there was certainly no real 'love' present between any of them; Saruhiko had merely been a tool for his parents to look good in front of the media. He knew that; he'd known that for many years, ever since he was a child. 

But that inattention was the same thing that allowed him some freedom when he was a teenager. He was still forced to attend several events now and then, though thankfully fewer as the years went on, but it was one day - shortly after his nineteenth birthday, in fact - when he'd ended up meeting one Munakata Reishi, the son of a politician who had only just gained something of a fanclub for his handsome looks and polite demeanor. 

At first, Fushimi dislikes him. That polite smile, that willingness to chat with whomever approaches him... It all just looks so _fake_. Like a carefully orchestrated ploy in order to gain the people's favour for his father's continued political career. Yet he's forced to speak to him anyway once they find themselves both snuck out onto the balcony, hidden away behind curtains.

Munakata smiled at him, then, had introduced himself. Fushimi had scoffed and kept his response short. He'd been intending on getting away from the pushy people inside, the ones who would still seek to approach him despite his repeated shows of disinterest. He hadn't expected anyone else to be out there, and he had no qualms saying as much. He wasn't here to make friends, so he didn't care about making an impression.

Munakata had chuckled and said that if he hated it so much, he should just run away. Fushimi had bristled, but only for a moment - he'd thought he was being teased, but a second look showed that Munakata was completely serious. It wasn't like Fushimi didn't have any money. If anything, his parents were good about ensuring at least that much; he had a generous allowance. He was of legal age, now. Technically - legally - there was nothing stopping him from leaving. 

So he did. 

He'd been surprised by how easy it was, in the end. More than that, though, he was surprised that Munakata had helped him; in fact, a few months later, he even moved in with him. They'd surprisingly kept in touch, and Munakata had never seemed put-off by Fushimi's surliness. In fact he seemed to find it amusing, sometimes, and then there were other times when he was grateful for it because it made for interesting, genuine conversation. Munakata had once remarked that he was tired of people always mincing their words and hiding their feelings just to try and get on his good side for political reasons. Fushimi was apparently akin to a breath of fresh air, and they were both thinkers who liked puzzles. It isn't always the liveliest household, but Fushimi finds it a million times better than living at home ever was. The quiet is something he relishes in, actually, and Munakata's a good roommate who cleans up after himself, never misses a payment for rent, doesn't have people over and provides amusing and intellectually stimulating conversation. It works out well for Fushimi, really. 

The part he's cursing is the fact that Munakata's looks had drawn him enough attention that he'd been scouted by a talent agency, and through his boredom and amusement in new challenges, they'd all discovered that he was something of a natural actor. Fushimi wasn't surprised, because he knew Munakata's polite veneer that the public always sees is just that, an act, but the fact that he's gone and gotten the lead role in a romance film is the annoying part. 

Actually, no, even that would be alright - or so Fushimi tries to tell himself even as his stomach flutters sometimes when Munakata gets close or smiles at him or touches him in a friendly manner or _anything,_ really - because hey, it’s good income and he’s happy for Munakata being able to make a name for himself rather than just always being considered ‘the politician’s son’. That’s all well and fine, really, and Munakata’s careful to keep Fushimi far away from all of it, but… The _problem_ is Munakata’s _practicing_.

Before, Fushimi could pretty well count on Munakata to keep to himself or just make intelligent - or snarky - conversation, but now Munakata keeps asking him to help him rehearse. In his defense, it’s his first time acting, so Fushimi _does_ understand that practice will help, but that doesn’t make it any easier to suddenly deal with Munakata’s hands on him, or the near-kisses that make his heart beat harder in his chest, so loud that he doesn't know how Munakata can't hear it. 

More than anything, Fushimi is frustrated with _himself,_ because he damn well _knows_ that Munakata’s just acting, that he doesn’t actually mean all the sweet things he says, and Fushimi himself sure as hell isn’t the sappy type, so why is he falling so much for it now? Now when it’s not even real. So he’s frustrated and agitated and kind of wants nothing more than to lash out and make Munakata stop it, but Munakata’s never done anything to hurt or upset him, has only ever been completely supportive and encouraging with him, has helped him feel safe in this place he now calls home. It’s not Munakata’s fault that Fushimi can’t help but wish the words were sincere. Even if they _are_ stupidly sappy.

So he just bottles up his frustrations and allows Munakata to practice on him, silently wishing that the movie would start filming already so Munakata would be out of his hair. Of course he also tries not to think about the female lead role and how Munakata will be kissing her, particularly because Munakata’s already said that she’s a smart, capable and kind woman. He seems fond of her, at least, and genuinely so. In the end, it’s easier for Fushimi to tell himself that Munakata has feelings for this Awashima Seri and crush his own reactions down, telling himself there’s definitely no way his feelings will ever be returned.

That’s something he’s good at, unfortunately. ‘Love’ isn’t something he’s familiar with. So he grows somewhat distant, but still lets Munakata practice with him, still allows himself to be dragged and held closer, allows Munakata’s lingering touches sometimes at seemingly random, dismissing them all away in his mind as just another part of Munakata’s job. It’s easy. Particularly when he reminds himself that he only has to put up with this for a little longer - just until Munakata starts filming, because then he won’t be home for large swaths of time, and Fushimi will be able to relax.

Some parts of this whole ordeal do strike him as strange, though. Surely there’s someone else Munakata could practice with? And he’s never made Fushimi read any of the lines, though at least that can be explained by Munakata only needing to know his own directions and not being in control of anyone else. But then again, he’s already probably got the whole damn script memorized, because Fushimi knows how scarily good at that sort of thing he is… Well, whatever - it’s probably more the motions that he needs practice with, because Fushimi also knows that Munakata’s family was never particularly physically affectionate, even if they weren’t neglectful. 

Two affection-inept guys… Really, how sad can they get? Anyone watching them while Munakata practices would probably think they’re both awkward as hell. But that’s why Munakata’s practicing… And in his own way, Fushimi is, too. At first he’d tensed up and flinched away, and at that point Munakata had asked if he was really okay with this, would still even now shoot him concerned glances, but then and now Fushimi has always insisted that he’s fine. Now he’s better about just letting himself be held, even if he has to be careful not to hug Munakata back too tightly, linger too long, close the distance between their mouths and kiss him properly.

It’s a delicate balancing act, and so Fushimi learns how to act as well, hides away his feelings better than his parents had ever even been able to teach him, but without the same bitterness he’d felt towards them... Or at least it’s pushed aside easily. Of course Munakata doesn’t know how Fushimi feels - he never indicated it, had always been sure to carefully clamp down on any reactions even before all of this. At first that knowledge hadn’t stopped him from quietly resenting how Munakata had been so oblivious, but he eventually accepted the fact that nobody would ever consider feeling that way for him. 

He doesn’t need it anyway.

Or at least he can convince himself of that, even if Munakata had told him once that such a thing wasn’t true at all. How could anyone else feel that way for him? He’s abrasive and cold and can be cruel, and Munakata’s the only one who’s ever made an effort to break through that and talk to him personally, draw him out of his shell bit by bit. If he's not interested, then there's certainly nobody else who would be. 

So Fushimi learns to deal with it, as always, not letting it sting that once again he failed to act when there was something he'd wanted. He can't place the blame on Munakata even if he bitterly, selfishly wants to - Fushimi knows that he only has himself to blame. He helps Munakata practice, and things are fine for the most part.

And then, just a few short days before filming starts, Fushimi finds Munakata's copy of the script.

Come to think of it, he's never actually read it. Sure, he's had chances to do so before now, but he'd never bothered; he hadn't needed to speak lines back to Munakata, so he'd never paid it much mind at all. Curious, he picks it up and starts flipping through it lazily, just skimming absently. At first it's really nothing unexpected, just some generic romantic schmoop, but only when Fushimi finds Munakata's lines does he start to notice that something is little off. He reads through them all, then again one more time just to be sure, but once he's done his second reading, he's confident.

None of the lines Munakata had said to him during 'practice' were there, yet the actions are similar.

So what had he been doing, then? Immediately, Fushimi instinctively assumes the worst - Munakata must have just been toying with him this whole time, enjoying watching him squirm in discomfort, but he forces those thoughts aside. Munakata's not the type who would do something like that. He's... Probably the only person Fushimi really trusts, and Fushimi _knows_ , despite his instinctive reaction, that Munakata would never do anything to hurt him. So... What _was_ he doing?

Was there just a change in script? No, this one's been well-thumbed, he can tell, so Munakata's clearly been reading this one for a while. Besides, they wouldn't change every single line, so there'd at least be a few that are the same.

No other likely option comes to Fushimi, though. Just as simply as he'd dismissed the change of script he also discards several other theories without much thought. So in the end, he has absolutely no idea what the hell Munakata was doing. With dread, he begins to wonder if maybe his initial reaction was right after all: was Munakata just toying with him this whole time? He's angry and hurt despite himself, feeling betrayed... But he forces himself to calm down. There's still one option left... He'll just have to ask Munakata personally.

Thankfully his frustration carries over easily into bravery, props him up and gives him ground to stand on. He wants to know why he'd been doing this for so long if it's not even helping, and if Munakata really is secretly laughing at him or something, he wants to know now so he can put an end to it right this instant.

Despite that, though, he's still shaking just a little when he hears Munakata's keys in the lock. This is it.

"Ah, Fushimi-kun, I'm ho--"

"What have you been making me do this whole time?!" He can't listen to Munakata's kind greetings, doesn't want to let himself get distracted or have his bravery disappear. He needs to get it out, right now.

Munakata blinks, clearly caught off-guard by the outburst, but when he sees the script in Fushimi's hands, his eyes soften in recognition. So he _is_ hiding something. Fushimi opens his mouth to yell at him again, but Munakata's voice is calm and he replies steadily, "... I can see why you'd assume the worst. I was hoping you wouldn't read it, but I suppose that's my own fault."

That's not an answer, though, and Fushimi won't let him off the hook that easily. "So what's all this even been for, then?! Are you just mocking me or something?!"

The look of genuine hurt in Munakata's eyes makes Fushimi falter a little. Munakata shakes his head, and then meets Fushimi's gaze steadily again, obviously wanting Fushimi to believe him. "I've been unfair, yes, but I would _never_ do something like that to you."

He sounds sincere and genuine as always, and Fushimi finds his ground is shaky now. "Then what _are_ you doing?"

Munakata sighs. "Going about things very poorly. Please let me explain." He moves further into the room and locks the door, then gestures to the couch. Fushimi glares at him for a moment, clearly expecting him to try and get out of this or something, but Munakata walks right along beside him and takes up a spot at the other end of the couch. "As I'm sure you're aware, I'm... Not always the best at conversation."

Fushimi scoffs despite himself. "Obviously. Though I'm not, either."

Munakata shrugs gently to that, "Even so, that's not the point. I'm not usually one to embarrass easily, but... I don't know the first thing when it comes to romance, as you could likely guess based on what you know of me. I mean, I've basically spent my whole life in my father's shadow, so it isn't as though I have any experience."

Fushimi's listening, but it's still not really making any sense to him. "Okay..." _What does that have to do with this?_ , he wants to ask, but Munakata continues without prompting.

"I know this was entirely the wrong way to go about it, but... I like you. Romantically, I mean." Fushimi's stomach tightens, but he says nothing, and Munakata looks a touch frustrated as he continues. "It's just that I've never been in this sort of situation before, and so I have no experience with how to approach the subject. I thought that perhaps this would be a way to test the waters to see if you reacted at all, so I could have an idea of whether or not to bring it up... I didn't want to make things awkward between us if you didn't feel the same. We live together, after all. So I... No, I suppose I was just being a coward and making excuses. I wanted to know if you were going to reject me in advance so I could tell myself to move on, but then you didn't react at all. Neither positively nor negatively, except then sometimes you would, but I didn't know how to interpret it."

Suddenly it made more sense - the way Munakata's worried eyes would linger long after Fushimi had said it was fine, the way some days Munakata himself seemed somewhat depressed, or even slightly desperate on others... But there's still one more question.

"... Why not just use the lines from the script, then? You had to know that I'd be pissed if I read it. Or even when I saw the movie."

Munakata smiles slightly, but it seems rather self-depreciating. "I did worry about that. But I guess I hoped that when you realized it was different, maybe you'd wonder if I was sincere, and would figure it out on your own. Again, I was being a coward, and I acknowledge that it was rather awful of me to put you in this situation. I do apologize for that. If you want me to move out or anything--"

Fushimi shakes his head immediately at that, cutting him off. "No. I don't want you to move out." He's not happy, though, and his glare should be enough to show Munakata that. "It _was_ shitty of you to avoid just asking me like that. And I _am_ mad that you put me through all this and that you only 'fessed up when I confronted you. Because if you'd just grown a pair and asked in the first place, I would have..." Ah, it's no good - despite his lecturing Munakata for not being able to say anything, Fushimi still hasn't come to terms with his own feelings, himself. So he looks away, aware of the slight tint to his cheeks already. "Anyway, I'm pissed at you, so I'm not letting you off the hook so easily. You're going to have to make it up to me. Take responsibility for your actions, jerk." 

Munakata seems properly regretful, but Fushimi also can't help but notice the way he seems almost a little hopeful, too. Thankfully - and wisely - Munakata doesn't ask what Fushimi 'would have said'. Instead he just looks over at him, hesitantly optimistic, "... So you're letting me stay?"

"Obviously."

"... Okay." Seems he knows better than to let himself be too visibly relieved, which is smart, because Fushimi's still not exactly pleased with him. "And how do you want me to start making up for this...?"

Fushimi scowls at that, even more embarrassed to have been asked directly outright. He clicks his tongue in agitation, but gestures for Munakata to come closer. There's a brief moment of pause before he does, and Fushimi uses that second to calm down a little, reaching immediately for Munakata's collar once he's close enough, hauling him closer abruptly to... Bite him on the nose. Only gently, of course, but it makes Munakata jolt nonetheless. "... Can't you figure that out yourself?"

Munakata rubs his nose for a moment, but gives Fushimi a small, wry smile. "... Are you really sure you want to test that?" He's already proven he's bad at this whole 'relationship' thing. And to think, they're not even dating! ... Yet.

But Fushimi doesn't really feel like answering that too specifically, so instead he just rolls his eyes and tugs on Munakata's sleeve, pulling him to sit down properly on the couch. Munakata goes obediently, though once they're both seated he hesitates again, clearly uncertain of what Fushimi expects him to do. 

Since he's being so cooperative, though, Fushimi just shoves him into the corner of the couch, Munakata moving easily as demanded, and then Fushimi sets the script down on the coffee table before just slightly leaning against Munakata's side. He doesn't say anything, and it seems Munakata's still aware of how bad an idea talking is at the moment, because he stays quiet, even as Fushimi can _sense_ that Munakata's smiling, even without looking at him. How annoyingly endearing. 

Munakata leans forward for a moment to retrieve the remote from the coffee table, making Fushimi grumble quietly about being dislocated when it had honestly taken an almost-embarrassing amount of courage to even lean slightly against Munakata in the first place. Thankfully his complaints are silenced when Munakata settles back and gently pulls him close again, tugging Fushimi's head to rest on his shoulder, then resting his own cheek on Fushimi's head gently. 

It's... Strangely comfortable, for as much as Fushimi doesn't really like being touched. Maybe all that 'practice' really _has_ paid off, somehow. Even if he's still pissed about it. 

They talk about whatever comes on next, not bothering to change the channel even when it's some stupid program that neither one of them are interested in, and Fushimi finds himself actually pretty amused as they mock and complain about the shows. Just the same as how things used to be when they would criticize the events they were both forced to go to - nice and relaxing in it's familiarity. It's not like they're doing anything particularly special when it comes down to it, but it's still pleasant in it's own way.

He doesn't feel at all pressured or anything, and his agitation with this whole situation calms the longer Munakata just acts like this; barely any different from how they were before all of this, back when everything was simple. Only this time Fushimi knows his feelings are returned. He has yet to act on it in any real capacity, but he doesn't feel rushed to do so.

Only after they've sat through a movie and a few TV shows does Fushimi hear Munakata yawn, near silent, clearly trying to stifle it. Probably doesn't want to get up. But Fushimi lifts his head slowly, forcing Munakata's off of him, and looks at him, "Go to bed. You've been working a lot lately."

Munakata looks like he might actually _pout_ , but Fushimi only gives him a 'really?' sort of look, and he deflates. "... I suppose so."

Fushimi nods, glad it's not going to turn into more of an argument than that, and stands, heading towards the bathroom. If he's sending Munakata to bed, he may as well go, himself, even if he doesn't sleep right away. Their usual nightly routine occurs as normal... And only when Fushimi's in his pajamas does he hesitate. This is usually where they casually say goodnight and go to their respective bedrooms, and while he's certain they're not going to share a bed tonight - or even not for a long while yet, probably - that doesn't mean he doesn't want to change things at least a _little_ bit.

So once Munakata's out of the bathroom, he finds Fushimi outside his door. He looks a bit surprised, which Fushimi understands - usually they just say goodnight from their respective rooms - but he doesn't let Munakata speak up, only tugs a bit on his yukata and tilts his head back, pressing their lips together. Munakata jolts at the contact, clearly caught off-guard, but Fushimi doesn't give him time to react anyway, pulling back quickly. 

"... Night."

Munakata just stares for a moment, then smiles _warmly_ at him, all affectionate and caring, and it's Fushimi's turn to freeze instead. Ah... He's not used to being looked at like that. "Goodnight, Fushimi. Sleep well."

He nods almost stupidly, not even managing to return the sentiment as he brushes past Munakata and returns to his own room, aware of the slight heat in his cheeks already.

... Okay, so maybe he's in deeper than expected.

Well, that's fine. Even if things got off to... An awful start, he _does_ at least trust that Munakata won't pressure him into anything. In fact, if Fushimi himself tried, Munakata would probably stop him. Just seemed like he'd want to make one-hundred percent certain that Fushimi knew that he actually cared for him before he'd let anything happen. Sex is one thing - intimacy is another. And while sex _can_ be intimate, Fushimi knows that Munakata won't let anything like that happen until Fushimi does seem to believe that Munakata likes him. 

In the end, Fushimi thinks he might be alright with that.


End file.
